Hey,

I have a funny story to share.

It’s a story with a lesson in the end. But first…the story.

Remember how I told you a few weeks ago about me swimming more frequently? If you don’t remember, or if you didn’t get a chance to read that post, click here.

But yeah, I’ve been swimming more, and a few weeks ago, I was going through my usual morning routine with the kiddos to ensure that we could all get to the gym at a decent time.

Per usual, my oldest woke up around 6:15 AM. By 6:30 AM, all four of my kiddos were up and ready for the day. I began doing my one-year-old’s hair, picked out my older two kiddos’ clothes so that they could dress, helped to brush everyone’s teeth, breastfed, and then got myself dressed. I met my husband downstairs and began cleaning up a bit while he made our breakfasts.

Things were going smoothly, somewhat.

And then…things ramped up.

An argument broke out between my two oldest. My youngest (3 months old, at the time) wanted more breastmilk. Someone wasted their smoothie. We couldn’t find a shoe to a pair of shoes. And I needed to poop all of a sudden. Time clicked by and I was about to miss my 8:30 AM reservation at the gym which was 15 minutes away (I have to reserve time slots for my youngest to have childcare hours due to a strict adult-to-infant ratio policy.)

But I trudged through. As the mayhem continued, my husband paused in the middle of it and asked, “Are you sure you should go to the gym? You’re about to miss your reservation?”

I’m stubborn. And I wasn’t going to let anything prevent me from getting my time in at the pool and sauna.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll be fine.”

I took our youngest and began to change his diaper. I removed his diaper and was about to put a clean one on him when all of a sudden, he gassed and yellow poop eased out onto his onesie.

“Ahhhh! Oh shoot!” he yelled.

“Oh shoot,” my 3-year-old echoed.

My husband turned the corner and had the look like, “This is a lot, Jess. Just hang it up for this one day.”

I would not.

I cleaned up the poop, ran upstairs to grab another outfit for our youngest, and headed out the door.

My husband helped me load up the car with the kiddos and on we went. Although very late, I felt so happy to have endured.

To have pushed through.

I inwardly marveled at my strength.

I pulled into the parking lot.

Due to ongoing construction, we had to park a long distance away. This typically would have been fine, but it was about to rain.

I parked, pulled out our stroller from the back, and grabbed our one-year-old. When I picked her up, she had diarrhea (yes, diarrhea) all in her diaper. She was teething and had been pooping at a drop of a dime during that time. I changed her in the driver’s seat and moved on to grab the next child. I grabbed each child and then realized that because I changed the baby’s onesie into a new outfit while at the house, the baby didn’t have socks on. It was a requirement at the gym for all babies to have their feet covered.

“Evan Jr., take off your socks,” I asked my five-year-old.

He looked so confused. After a few seconds. I had my five-year-old’s socks on my 3-month old’s feet. We grabbed a blanket to cover the double stroller in case it rained and went on our way…. finally.

We checked in at the front desk and walked to the kid’s area, where I quickly envisioned myself waving goodbye to my kiddos for 50 minutes so I could happily jump into a pool.

“Hey, how are you?” the lady at the kid’s counter asked. But before I could answer, she continued.

“Due to unforeseen circumstances, we actually don’t have someone available to watch Eli (my 3-month-old) for your reservation. I’m so sorry. I didn’t have your number on file to call you in advance.”

I wish I could’ve recorded my response.

“Oh. Wow. Yeah, no worries. Not your fault. Okay,” I said through intermittent laughs that sounded on the verge of hysteria.

I wheeled my stroller out the door, walked the football’s length of our walk back to our car, and drove home.

I thought I was supposed to trudge through. I expected an award at the end of that challenging morning. Here I was, marveling at my lil strength to persevere and now I felt silly…doing the most.

Later that night, I pulled out my journal. I read my scripture reading which was in Jeremiah 13.

In this passage, the Lord sent Jeremiah a message by way of life experience. By telling Jeremiah to get a linen belt and by commanding him to do various things with it…the Lord shared a much larger message with Jeremiah regarding all of Judah. I don’t know why the Lord didn’t convey this particular message by simply telling Jeremiah, but that’s not my business. For whatever reason, Jeremiah received the message through his experience with this linen belt.

Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of all the events that transpired that morning. The Holy Spirit began telling me that I was entering into a season in which my life’s direction would be determined by way of ease. He’d make it abundantly clear to me when I was supposed to be moving in a certain direction based on whether or not that direction lent itself to “ease.”

Honestly, this word made me feel very uncomfortable. I rest really well in scriptures like James 1 or Romans 5.

“2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Why do I naturally love reading verses like these?

It’s because I seek self-glory in thinking that I myself can conjure up the steadfastness and perseverance needed to birth the fruit that pertains to enduring. And so, I choose paths that may require the most endurance… just to inwardly boast if it lends the results I was hoping for.

It’s pride.

I want to do it myself, to get the results I was hoping for, just to get the self-glory.

Ooooooo….I’m being vulnerable here

But I don’t rest as easily in scriptures such as Psalm 23 or Exodus 14:14.

Psalm 23: 2-3 “He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.”

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

It’s difficult for me to hold the latter passages in tandem with the former.

How can I be led to green pastures and lie down if I haven’t worked hard enough for it? How can a battle be won if I’m still? Shouldn’t I play a role in refreshing my own soul?

Ultimately, it boils down to a lie that I believe which is this:

PERSONAL STRIVING = ALWAYS GOOD

When the truth is…

REST & TRUST = ALWAYS BEST

The Lord was using that morning to show me a deeper truth that I needed to digest. It had nothing to do with me going to the gym or not. He just allowed that morning’s events to play out in such a way as to point to a message that He wanted to share.

Okay, so what’s my point in sharing this?

Are you resting in the Lord, in His Promises, in His timing, in His ways?

Or are you striving to make His Hand move more “quickly”, more “efficiently”, and more in alignment with how you think things should play out?

Let me go deeper.

Are you working multiple jobs to make ends meet, when He told you just to focus on that one?

Are you signing up your kids for one hundred extracurricular activities when He told you to focus on incorporating more date nights with your spouse?

Are you still working when He told you to go ahead and retire and help disciple your grandkids?

Are you building your 401K at that job when He told you to downsize your lifestyle and start your own business that He would bless in His timing?

Are you a serial dater when He already told you to delete the apps and He promised you that He’d bring you your spouse in His timing?

Sometimes, we ourselves choose harder paths and struggle thinking that we are “enduring” when in fact, we are simply striving.

I don’t know what your thing is but I end with this verse because I need to go to bed lol.

Isaiah 40:31

31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

This is the essence of going the way of “ease.”

I pray you do.

-Pondered Thought.