Lord knows, birth is an incredible and powerful experience.

It changes you in ways that sometimes feel too sacred to speak about.

Typically, I write about my birth experiences in much detail.

See below:

This time, I’m writing about the birth of our beautiful daughter, Zuri Estelle Stephens, in a way that varies from the rest. In part, because I’m still processing much of it. The Lord is still speaking to me regarding it.

How can one of my most difficult labor and delivery experiences be positive?

Well, it is—not due to the absence of difficulty.

It’s positive due to the presence of the Lord.

His hand upon this birth was exceptionally evident.

Let me start from the beginning.

Our baby girl was due on Monday, August 19th, 2024.

The day before her due date, I acknowledged a feeling that I’d been having for a few days up until that point—nervousness.

While sitting in our Sunday morning church service, thoughts of anxiousness overwhelmed me. I pulled out my journal and began writing out birthing affirmations and scriptures to settle my mind. I mouthed them out over and over until the end of service. Don’t ask me what the sermon was about that day.

In the lobby, someone asked me, “Are you ready for this baby to come? You’re such a pro.”

I looked at this lady with steady eyes and a vulnerable heart. “This is the first time that I’m nervous and I don’t know why,” I replied. A mother of 4 herself, I felt this lady embrace me without touch.

Later that afternoon, I went to the library to check out a few books to read during my postpartum period (in the event that our baby girl came that week.)

While there, a mother stopped me and pointed to my belly, “Is this your first?” she questioned. I peered down into her stroller and saw her baby girl who looked to be about one years old. “No, fifth,” I said bashfully, bracing myself for the incoming shock.

She looked at me with admiration and quiet pause. She then shared with me how she herself went almost 2 weeks overdue and how that was the longest 2 weeks of her life. I confided to this stranger how I felt like my baby wasn’t coming yet and that her story encouraged me. Typically, my previous babies were no more than a few days over the due date or were right on time. But for some reason, in that moment, I felt so strongly that my baby wasn’t coming just yet.

The next day, our youngest son got a fever.

I began praying immediately that our baby girl wouldn’t come until our one-year-old’s fever broke. On Tuesday of that week, my doula informed me that she would need to be out of town for a few days and wouldn’t return until that Saturday. Although she had a backup doula on standby for me, I really wanted/needed my doula, who was like a mother to me after attending my three previous births, to be there. At that point, I began praying that our baby wouldn’t debut until at least that Saturday evening.

Guess what? The Lord, in His sovereignty, answered both prayers.

My son’s fever broke on that Thursday. My doula changed her flight and came back on Saturday morning instead of that Saturday evening. And my baby continued to nestle herself quite comfortably in my womb.

By that Monday, one week past my due date, my midwife checked me. I was only 3 cm dilated and my baby wasn’t in the best position. She did a membrame sweep and then I went to my doula’s house so she could work with me on some bodywork/inversions to help the baby engage my cervix a little more and to help my baby girl turn a little bit more for optimal position.

Later that night, I began having more intense Braxton Hicks contractions.

The next day, which was Tuesday of that week, my midwife checked me again. My baby had turned a little bit more. We decided to wait another day before doing any further interventions. Praise God her heartbeat was strong and healthy.

After leaving my midwife’s office, I went home. Up until then, my mom and sister had begun coming over daily for at least 7-10 days prior to help me with the kids, their homeschool lessons, and chores.

We were all expecting the baby to come at any moment. On that morning, I felt the Lord whisper to me gently to consecrate our home by only playing worship music. Typically, I’d listen to some sort of social commentary regarding world events while cooking or cleaning. But I listened to the beckoning of the Holy Spirit.

While listening to some worship, I began making me some postpartum lentil soup to freeze, dinner for the family for the next few days, and some sourdough sandwich loaves. My husband let me know that morning that he and our four-year-old daughter were praying that our baby girl would come that Tuesday night.

Apparently in the middle of my husband praying, our daughter interrupted him and said, “No , Daddy. I’m going to pray that the baby comes tomorrow morning so that I can see her.”

Later that Tuesday evening, I mopped, cleaned out the fridge, and then went to bed. I still felt like the baby wasn’t yet engaging my cervix.

At 12:30 AM on that Wednesday morning, I awakened out of my sleep with an intense contraction. I went to use the restroom and immediately had to poop. More contractions came and I began timing myself.

By 1:00 AM I woke up my husband and asked him to grab my headphones so I could listen to my Christian hypnobirthing app. He went to our car in the garage to grab them and upon his return I told him that I needed him to stay with me. The contractions were intensifying more quickly than I anticipated.

By 1:30 AM I texted my midwife and doula.

45 minutes later my water broke and I felt ready to push. My doula arrived seconds after my water broke and my midwife arrived minutes later.

My midwife wanted to check the position of the baby before I began pushing.

My baby girl still wasn’t in the best position. Because of this, I couldn’t push yet and needed to do a few contractions in different positions to see if she would turn. Well, after about 2 hours of contracting and waiting to see if our baby girl would turn, my midwife suggested that it would be best for me to transfer to the hospital to have my back up OB turn my baby girl internally.

See how I’m typing this all nice and neatly?

Let me tell you, those were the longest 2 hours. My body was signaling that it was time “to push” but baby girl was not in a position to be pushed out. So I was sweating, getting nauseous, experiencing increased contractions as if she were coming any second, yet she wasn’t.

The short drive from our home to the hospital was tough. Again, at this point, my body was yelling for me to push but I needed to wait. So the pain was intense.

The Lord is so kind. When my midwife reached out to my OB, he was able to meet us at the hospital immediately. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. We arrived at the hospital, and after about 40 minutes (I had to receive fluids and get an epidural), my OB was ready to see if he could turn baby girl internally. I wasn’t prepared for the pain of that procedure. The epidural hadn’t fully kicked in yet, and I felt quite a bit of pressure. At one point my OB said, “There’s no other way, we must turn her.” Then minutes later, he said, “Well, there’s no going back. She’s coming out.” And praise GOD, she did.

Our baby girl was born at 8:02 AM on Wednesday 8/28/24.

She came out healthy and with a head full of hair. She came out face first. A lot of the nurses had never seen that before. Because of her positioning and how she came out, her face was quite swollen and bruised from pressing against my pelvic bone. Over the next two days, I cried a LOT due to wondering if Zuri experienced any pain during her birth… if me opting to not do pelvic floor therapy (to save $$) during my pregnancy caused her to be in an odd position…if I could’ve done anything to have helped her change positions. The thoughts plagued me. My hormones were also doing the typical dramatic shift in approach of my milk coming in (so that contributed to the tears as well).

But after a few days, the Lord in His gentleness revealed to me just how much His hand was upon this birth.

Exactly, 14 days before Zuri arrived, the Lord led me to invite family and friends to do a virtual prayer call for my labor and delivery. My husband and I typically do this for all of our births, but this time I felt led to extend the invite to even more of my extended family.

He allowed Zuri to come after my youngest son broke his fever.

The sickness didn’t spread to any of our other kids either.

My doula was able to be in attendance for this birth.

My mom taught one of the young nurses who attended me. This nurse held my hand during my final push.

The lady who cleaned me up after Zuri was born knew me, was a subscriber to this blog, and was a member of my father in law’s church.

There were so many people the Lord used to go before me in preparation of my daughter’s birth.

Just like her birth date 8/28, the Lord allowed me to see the workings of Romans 8:28 played out: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I’m not sure what you’re going through.

I’m not sure of the things you may be questioning.

But I am sure that God is good. We live in a fallen world.

Sometimes it feels like there are more questions than answers. May your less than ideal circumstance not color the unchanging characteristic of our God.

He is good. He sees you. He loves you. And He absolutely cares. Keep running to Him. Rest in Him. And allow Him to answer your questions, in time. Sometimes the reprieve you need is not an answer but His Presence. Abide in Him, so that as you cry, He can be the one to wipe.

As I grow older, the answers I receive are found less in reasoning and more in a Person. Trust me, I don’t know what I don’t know. But I know, I need Him.

I guess I did write about this birth in detail haha.

—PonderedThought