5 Things I'm Learning in Marriage
2. Male and Female differences are meant to be celebrated and not denigrated
Growing up in a house with 5 women, conversations easily flowed from dinner, to the game room, and into the night. My sisters and I fought a lot, but we also grew accustomed to endless chatter, free flowing hugs and kisses, and conversations about clothing, celebrity gossip, and controversial political topics. When I married my husband, I took these acts of intimacy and connection with my sisters and tried to apply them to him. I was in a for a rude awakening. My husband, a man, was so different. We dated for 6 years, and so I don’t mean to insinuate this newfound “difference” as synonymous to incompatible. No, I moreso mean “different” as in “perplexing.” He appeared as a puzzle, and I a mere observer who simply tried to make sense of things. He sparked some of the following questions:
Why did he need to have time to himself after a long day at work, when my type of "unwinding" involved talking to him endlessly about my day from the moment I walked in the door? Why did his eyes light up on when seeing a long, drawn-out action scene on a movie, when I was literally covering my eyes counting down until its ending? Why did he just wipe his hand on his side pants leg when I just gave him a napkin? But moreso, why did I notice something so small like that...and cringe?
Every male and female is different. But it’s funny when such over-generalizations show up in marriage. Instead of denigrating and trying to control/find answers to these questions, it’s important to celebrate such differences and thank God that He is so creative in making human beings so immeasurably different and yet so mysteriously compatible. I now love going to an action movie and seeing that moment when my husband is looking so intently into the screen. I love that when I notice crumbs in places that irk me, he doesn’t seem to care. I love giving my husband his man time and seeing him return refreshed. I don’t know the answers to such questions. But I’ve come to love the differences... because that’s what makes my husband my husband.